I've been doing some thinking this Christmas season on life and such, like we all do.
Trainwreck had a big discussion on his podcast about money and happiness, which was also tying into my thinking about Black Friday and the commercialization of the season. And I came to the same conclusions I always have.
Some background - I was raised in what most would call extreme privilege. My zip codes were "right" (Menlo Park and Stanford), my father received his PhD from Stanford in cognitive psychology and AI, my mother was an Opthalmist at Stanford and PAMF. Both of my parents were very good looking, and so was I, then, when I was younger. Every ingredient was there to make me into some sort of brand-obsessed socialite completely taken over by venal preoccupation and shallow hedonism, marrying for money, doing all of the "right things" like people around me.
My biggest plan now? I hope to live in a van in a couple of years with my husband, as we explore the nation more! A used cargo van that we retrofit ourselves. That's probably a fantasy, because life gets in the way of such things, but I have hopes!
STUFF was never important to me, and not because I had a lot of it (I didn't - my parents didn't believe in spoiling me, thank goodness). When I was 13 I died. I've had ear problems my entire life, and one infection led to me dying as the infection spread to my brain and I ran a 105-106 temp for 3 days straight in the hospital.. they did everything they could but it was stubborn, so.. I croaked. It was painful and everything, sure, and there was the dying, but when I came back and healed and was finally released, all I could think of was the kids still in the hospital that I'd befriended. I gathered up as many stuffed animals as I could from myself and a friend, and my friend and me brought them all back to the hospital to give out. They were stuff. They absolutely were - they were objects, things. But they were meant to be hugs from us to the people still in the hospital waiting for THEIR release.
I think if objects are given from the heart, with love, they can mean something. I think objects that we use for hobbies or living are useful also. I think we all need warm houses, good plumbing, and heat. We all need to cook. Personally, I think we all need to garden, even if it's just a pot with a spider plant in it (good for the soul, working the soil). We all need a place to sleep. We need clothes to stay warm. We maybe need books and games. Tools, perhaps. But I don't need tons of stuff. I'm not going to tell anyone how to live. But for me, I like the KISS principle (Keep It Simple Stupid). I'm not talking about de-cluttering or anything - sometimes people just have stuff and it's cluttered and everything, and that's life. We all get weird gifts from the heart from others that we keep, and so sometimes there are weird little knick-knacks and the like. I'm not saying to toss everything out and live like a monk. By simple I mean - just what is useful in OUR lives. If that's 100 pairs of shoes, ok. That maybe makes someone happy and I wouldn't say no to them if they want those 100 pairs of shoes, that's not even my place to do that or judge. If that's a massive collection of bottle caps, cool. "Need" is contextual, for certain.
What I'm saying is, I have lived around people who were extravagantly wealthy, and I have lived fairly poorly (I married a student engineer/machinist and we lived off of minimum wage for 3 years, then one income in the SF Bay Area with two kids for 18 years, so that had to be stretched very far, etc.), and one thing I noticed - stuff and money didn't make anyone happier. Not one bit. Nope, not even a little. Once basic needs are met (healthcare, all of that) and people are out of debt, they're all the same. That's the horrid little secret of life, really. Especially in this world where everyone wants to be famous and rich and everything - that famous guy over there isn't any happier than Jim down the street who delivers pizzas. In fact Jim is happier this year because his wife just had a baby and they're all getting along, and that famous guy over there just had his wife leave and take his kids. That's the horror. All of the Instagram selfies with happy shining people - some of them aren't. A sudden windfall, once you deal with your basic needs - doesn't do a damn thing for your heart and soul. That movie actor is the same as Jill who makes your coffee. There's nothing that special about anyone, and there's something special about everyone - their heart. And again, in a world like it is now - that's a horrifying thought. What if all of the dreams come true about wealth and fame, and you're still miserable? If you are miserable - you still will be. That's what happens.
The heart is what needs tending. Relationships, love, kindness - for real, it's what matters. It's a cliche, and it's true. 100 Mercedes, and you're still an alcoholic with unresolved issues about your father. One old Toyota and you're happy and healthy with awesome parents. The upholstery you're crying or laughing on doesn't matter. And the world keeps lying to you about that, telling you to buy things to make that untrue, and yet it keeps being true. It doesn't matter what you own. It's what you bring to the table with other people.
As for me, I'm on a small farm living in a double wide in the woods being a happy hermit, things always look a bit shabby, all of my furniture is hand-me-down and inherited, and my needs are met (thankfully). What MATTERS to me is my family, and my friends, and so someday I might buy some new furniture, but only if my family needs a comfier chair. I have my cocoas and enjoy my books and watching shows and streams and movies, and crocheting, and writing, and gardening as I can (I'm disabled now, walking is a bit tricky - so deaf AND a bit unsteady!) and I am as content as I've ever been in my life. Life is about trying to help other people find that contentment also - be kind, love people, and that's a good start!
I think that's the magic of the season everyone talks about - as they all see this simple truth, even glimpse it just for a second, before they go buy the next thingamabob. The magic is human kindness, compassion, and love.
